The Old House (P1/2)

She saw a nickle drop from a tweed pocket. She saw it bounce two times.
There was no third; it landed. She stopped and stared.
A nickle from not this land, but a far away one. It was strange.
It was old, not fragile, but old. It had seen life, freed and imprisoned.
She picked it up, looked at it and put it down again. It was not her nickle.
It was a nickle, older than her long gone grandfather. The one she missed.

She arrived. Opened the door with her broken key. Used and turned.
The smell of a house left alone for years. Closed. Shut. A familiar scent.
The broken banister beside the collapsed stairs leading to the attic.
The air, as if afraid, fled from the newcomer,
the dust, startled, jumped and panicked.
"What a sad scene", she thought.

Along the hallway there were three doors. All of which guarded a room.
They resisted when she tried to enter. They wanted to jam, wanted to break.
She was persistent to get what she came for. She had a key in her purse.
That key, that seemed like a good hundred years old, was given to her
back when she used to go visit the house and the grandparents who lived there.

She entered the first room. She had to push the resistant door open with her shoulder.
The door squeaked and sighed when it gave in to let her enter. The door was unfortunate,
only guarding a single, tall closet with its doors missing and a dusty mattress. The window didnt want to help her see, but no amount of dust could stop her. Her steps made the floor
answer to the doors whining. She saw the closet was empty, but wanted to make sure.
The house was told to trick simple minds. And she remembered.

She had stayed over for the night. She had slept behind the second door.
She had been woken up minutes after midnight by, what at the time, sounded like a scream. It wasnt a scream.
The house didnt, and to this date doesnt, like us. Us who make noise and break the peace. The silence.
Men who shout and spit, women who scream and laugh. The doors, floors, ceilings and walls -
they dont like noise. And she remembered.

But still she entered, because she had to. She had to find out what the lock was hiding. The lock that, with her key, could be unlocked.

She ignored the second door for now. Memories told her to ignore it and take the next one. The third door.

The third door was not so far away from its inevitable defeat. She didnt have to open it, in the meaning of the word "open". She just had to gently touch it, and it opened and came crashing down onto the floor, waking the dust to its frightened dance. Like a dying old relative who needs a small push to reveal secrets on her deathbed. Dying soul who feels like there is nothing to lose, nothing to gain. It doesnt matter at that point. "Just give it to her, defy the words you said, dont mind what you swore."

As she entered the slightly larger room, she could feel the air she breathed get friendlier. This was the third room. The room where once songs were sang, dances were danced and good times were had. The third room was the friendliest of the three. The room had seen what we had to offer, the good and the bad. And it decided to accept us. Accept us as we are; eventually violent, greedy, dirty creatures whose heads are occupied by a single thought and a single thought only - "more".

But it was a nice room all in all.

--

[5minChallenge]

5 minute challenges again

its good for the mind but bad for the body

sweating and swearing

Fuck it Im rewriting

whatever I just wrote down implying

that Ive something to say

Theyre not gonna catch us

They dont stand a chance - do they?

They will never see us

Forever we'll stand - wont we?

Its not as easy as you think to do it

Breathing gets hard and words get stuck

Many have failed but I will make it

Hope that karma..wait, we dont give a fuck

3 minutes to go still

Theres still time to finish this song

Standing, jumping up and down

Fuck it I wont rewrite

no matter what comes out from these keys

Ive nothing more to say

They will never get us

press pause to silence the dreams

no time to waste, screw the nightmares

1 minute to finish it all

Doesnt matter what we do

if you did it anyway

Youre stronger after you did it

even if just a little bit

Be fast be strong be f

FF

Disappearing things they filled me in

Coming alive never felt so good

Living in a dream, it let me in

I lay here in the dark, but not alone

Nothing ever slipped away

Sudden realization of whats true

Nothing more to give away

Slight tweaks and fixed gears

Once you open your eyes

A different point of view

Still trying to find my way

Variety of feelings from day to day

Maybe we never found way

Spin around within the haze

Only thing re-entering

Bittersweet remembering

I pulled myself away

from the edge of it all

I laid there in the dark

Try not to close your eyes

I tried to keep it at bay

from the end of it all

I laid there in the dark

Trying not to open my eyes

But then I realize

Nothing more to give

Its just your demise

And youre the one laughing at me

Shoelaces

Mouth says its alright

But your face looks like its just seen a ghost

Its not always been there

Maybe its just a reflection

I know you would care

But the words, the thoughts, they give it away

Ive always been here

Never gotten acceptation

You say its alright

I just feel like I can see through the lie

Im still the same

Longing for affection

Tired shoes

Untied laces

Whatever you choose

Imperfection

Choose a way

Between light and the dark

After all, we're just who we are

I held onto you

We had to let go for reasons unknown

They werent always there

Afraid of deflection

A book for us

About how we loved and we lost

Been published everywhere

But feels like you dont care

Tired shoes

Untied laces

Whatever you choose

Imperfection

Choose a way

Between light and the dark

After all, we're just who we are

I could count to millions

trying to catch up the meanings

We're not the same, but were here

I could count to tens

Just to see what she means

Tired shoes

Untied laces

Whatever you choose

Imperfection

Choose a way

Between light and the dark

After all, we're just who we are

Unattended

Its not the encore that winds you up
Its not the days of desperation, more like
A thing or two that light you up
Twenty thousand hours of writing
Afterwards deleting

I know that one day we'll be there
Just let us be and live our lives, just like
Doing shit somewhere doesnt mean
Youre fucking up everything
Afterwards celebrating

Its not the comfort you run after
Its not the safety you long for
Its the chords of the piano
singing a story
telling a tale

You want an explanation, I dont have one
All Ive is this town, this city, this land
Land of hearts, land of easy and hard

Now you cant tell me to shut up
Its not the days of happiness, more like
A thing or two that screw up
2 years of something
Afterwards doubting

No, we cant go back, thats true
But you can go only forward, just like
Rails stuck on highways, and like
Luggage left unattended, more like
This is the last call for the flight

Its not the comfort youre running after
Its not the safety youre longing for
Its the syllables of pixels
Ending the story
Stalling the seas

You want an explanation, I dont have one
All Ive is this town, this city, this land
Land of hearts, land of easy and hard
Land of lies, death and disease

Cure for Crying

No one sees your tears
when its raining
Mamas not home
daddys out of town
All its left was dust and dark
Candles last breath

When you find yourself at a crossroads
Who knows whats the right way to go
Its like flesh and bone
All together, all alone

Dreams to dust and love wont last
Blood to sand and an empty cast
Just missing whats gone
They say life carries on

Dying mothers last wish
Please let the others live
Flying spirits' last wish
Please let the others rest

No one sees your tears
when its raining
Mamas not home
daddys out of town

Its all my fault, for lying
Still, no cure for crying

Gabriel

There might be a place where you belong
you might not see just yet
It was just an hour ago, just a moment in past
looks like it will take time to sink in

I grieve, I long for the times when we were
one, like we just met
Like a moment ago, it would last
looks like it will take some time

I grieve
I agree
They say life moves on
They say carry on

Its not what I wanted to say or show
I might not feel just yet
It was just a week ago, all so different
feels like it has already sunk in

Theres flesh and theres bone
but no one is home
I wish you'll lead me home
for me it all feels like its gone

I grieve
I agree
They say life moves on
They say carry on

But I dont see how they could not believe
The memories we all made to be
It was an hour ago, it was different
Looks like it always did

Theres flesh and theres bone
Now theres no one home

I agree, with you
You leave, me
Its so hard to move on
Longing for whats gone

I grieve
I agree
They say life moves on
They say carry on

But I just find an empty heart
An empty cage

I grieve
I agree
They say life moves on
But you leave
me here

b'airs 'n' rock'am

Its not easy for us to do what we do
like its not easy for you to do as you do
Popping collars is one way to shoot
youre not the only one who thought it was cool

Dropping syllables on a grave or two
Not like there was anything better to do
Its not about the journey, its about the money
Its all about the fame, not about a honey

I cant change for what Ive been
I cant change for what I am
But it was a good run anyway

Otto

I slowly fade away

With the sands of time

Theres no easy way out

I try to keep them at bay

Block them from my mind

But they just keep creeping in

Try breathing in, try breathing out

All just seems so undefined

Like Im passing by

Running out of time

And I feel undermined

I am alive

But for how long a time

We are alive

But why do we try

Fight, just a waste of time

No reason to try

Theres no easy way out

I try to move along

Find where I belong

Someone to rely on

Bridges burn behind, wheels they turn around

All things slowly turn to dark

Like Im passing by

Running out of time

And I feel so undermined

I am alive

But for how long a time

We are alive

But why do we try

I am alive

But for how long a time

We are alive

But still we try

Not saying I wont try

Some flaws I wont deny

Not saying I wont try

Heres hoping I wont die

I am alive

But for how long a time

We are alive

But still we try

I am alive

But for how long a time

We are alive

But still we try

the Goo

in this morning haze, it seems so hard to think
after restless dreams and a lonely night
thought that still haunts my mind
the choices we made inside our heads

seems this world is made for us fools
likely to word just another tool
thought that still haunts our minds
that chances seems too hard to take

wine bottles promptly named 'the goo'
waking up at 3am to the sound we make
when toes touch something oddly cold

Its been cold for months
What if ice never melts
Spring is late this year
What if the ice never melts?

Ill try to look for ways and means
to fix the mood and the lights
Ill try to look for ways and means
to warm it up again

sometimes your mind starts to wonder
when it should be here and now
thought that still haunts inside me
the lack of action and reaction

like letters that shouldve been sent
only so much they could prevent

wine bottles promptly named 'the goo'
waking up at 3am to the sound we make
when toes touch something oddly cold

Its been cold for months
What if ice never melts
Spring is late this year
What if the ice never melts?

Ill try to look for ways and means
to fix the mood and the lights
Ill try to look for ways and means
to warm it up again

In Doubt

If green is for grimwits, and silver for moons
Red can be dangerous, and love is for fools
But fool is something, one should not fear
Because fool is the one, who made it real

If silence is golden, and nothing will last
should be we silent, whats been is past
If anger is venom, hatred comes last
Love is like poison, driving you mad

I dont know what to say to you
Like its driving me away from you
Its not something to brag about
Getting rid of the doubt
To say it out loud

ono

One name over, one nice operation

Opinion necessarily open

Orion never over

On nameless ones, on nightmare oils

Ovulation near over

Obstacles no open

Octagon not overlooked

Obligation not okay

Over, never over

One never over, one niche opportunity

Of neighbors old, of near ops

Over, never over

iPoem

Sometimes I look at myself
then look at others
See no reason for us
to face the facts

Sometimes stop for a moment
look around us all
Its not them, just us
How one reacts

You see something that changes your mind
You hear the voices in the wind
Were the reason it all stopped
Were the reason it all began

Its hard to see beyond the past
How they felt, loved and laughed
If they did what they saw was right
If they tried to make it last

Sometimes I can see and hear
Voices left behind
Theres no them, just us
What you can do in time

You could say its hard to tell
Sky from seas, death from disease
You could say its hard to tell
Us from them, heaven from hell

Still Rambling On

I stared at the white blank space for good five minutes. I had a few things to write about, but I didnt. They didnt feel quite right. What felt right was just to stare. I was listening to a song about gays and gay rights. I wanted to write about that. The pope quit today, I wanted to write about that. Earlier I sat through a somewhat interesting presentation about business and career, and I wanted to write about that too. Just all these things rushing through my mind but nothing felt worth writing about. So I just stared.

I lifted things and put em down, I had chinese, I had ideas and shut them down. I had a dream about donuts and police officers shooting innocent people. I drove my car around the city to run errands. I read about how some people hate others using the word 'literally' too much and in wrong situations these days. I had a bad hair day, so I wore a hat all day. I asked the presentation guy a question, because no one else didnt seem to dare to do it. I offered an extremely dear friend of mine a ride today. I noticed I hear but I dont listen. I wore a shirt with a picture of a cutsie dog on it, even though some people teased me about it in the past. All of these things I did. Still I just stared.

Then I sat down and lit a candle. I like looking at one. Its calming in some way, its soothing warm light and quiet acceptance of itself burning. The dancing shadows it paints, its distinctive smell...I like it, especially during winter time. Then I remembered a song telling about how we should light a candle inside each other, to make us feel love and feel alive. Open the shack door and light it. Because sometimes our shacks need it.

The presentation guy was handsome, well dressed, charismatic and all. Some younger women giggled all the way through the whole thing, and you could see their thought bubbles containing R18 things. The weird thing is that I actually paid more attention more to how he used body language; his hands, facial emotions and posture, more than the actual message itself. He used his hands to support his speech and, if you looked close enough, you could tell how he actually felt about the subject he was talking about just by his body language, regardless of what he said saying about it. And that applies to anyone. For some its easier, for some its harder. But you can tell.

Oh, and on the pope thing. If he was chosen, and he chose to step down, was the right person chosen? Or are popes still human who make choices and choose whats the best thing to do? Or is it just a thing we made up, a shoulder in which some can lean towards? Or is it just human feelings after all...

Rambling On

I dont have anything particular to write about. But I felt like writing something, so here I am sitting and writing something.

Ive had this thought Ive tried to wrap my head around, but havent had much success. And Ive been wanting to write about it, but havent had much success in that either. So Ill just ramble on about randomly picked subjects sailing across the sea that my mind is.

At times you see a person having a walk with a dog or two. And when the dog stops to sniff something or starts barking at a mailbox or whatever, and then the person starts pulling the dog away and you can clearly see that the person is irritated and/or tired of the whole thing. Or you hear a child crying at the candy shelves in a store and the unfortunate parent who had the turn to go to the store loses his/hers patience and snaps at the child. Yells or says something cruel to the kid and then the crying starts. And you just go 'I wouldnt do that, why would you do that? Dont yell at kids, what are you, a sicko?" But then again, when youre sat in that position, after a hard day at work and youre sent off to the store with your kid who desperately wants what anyone wants, good stuff and none of the bad stuff, and when you finally run out of energy to be nice and all, you just want the kid to shut up and sit in the trolley and laugh at stupid things like toilet paper. You will snap at the kid. Maybe not today, maybe not next month. But at some point you will snap. And why does it feel that way to see a child being yelled at? You dont know, you dont have a kid, you havent worked 14 hours a day for 2 weeks, you havent changed diapers that smell like liquid death; you dont know shit. Thats what the parent thinks, thats what the dog owner thinks. And why wouldnt they think that way?

Moving on. Why is it that when we drive on the highway or anywhere if you think about it, we hate absolutely everyone? Someone drives faster than you and passes you, someone drives a more expensive car than you, someone drives slower than you and you have to slow down, someone drives a car that could fall apart any second, someone doesnt use the blinker. Why is it that we judge those people, we categorize those people as complete idiots scum of the earth? We dont know em, we dont know anything about them. But still theyre idiots? Well that makes complete sense doesnt it. If someone doesnt drive the exact way you do, theyre scum. Right.

Some people say its hard to get to know other people. But when you ask them why dont they get to know other people, they say 'people dont like me' or 'I dont know, I just dont like the people around me' or 'I dont know, I just dont'. Do you know how to get to know other people? You talk to them. And how do you talk to people? You walk up and greet them and start a conversation. Some say thats just bullshit, no one could do that, thats unacceptable, no one wants to talk to me. Well, if someone sat down next to you in a bus or at the railway station and just started chatting with you, would you think that they'd be 'unacceptable'? No, you'd probably get into that conversation and enjoy it. And after it you might feel good. What are the odds... Its just about stepping over the line. The line that you drew and hid behind.

Oh, and about the human mind. Have you ever noticed how some (read:most) movies has the orange & blue theme around them. Orange and blue apparently pleases the human eye. Most of the action game posters or whatever have that same thing going on aswell. Orange and blue. All of the Transformers movies and what not use it. When youre aware of it, you cant stop noticing it anywhere. Check out some Hollywood movies, its everywhere. Blue is cool and orange is enthusiastic. And they know it, and they use the crap out of it.

And why is it that we love the ones who ignore us, and ignore the ones who love us?
And why is it that wet hair is darker if water is colorless?
And why is it that it is and why?

Miles Militis

Tried so hard, tried to mark

Live apart, desperate depart

Simple decision, a thrown dart

Try so hard, rapture of heart

All the black, is really dark

Clean cut and crystal shard

Dumb opinion, dim remark

Number of souls living apart

Echoes of feelings,

of waking dreams

Empty the meanings,

of dead deals

Russian roulette of broken hearts

Sent away to unfaithful land

Flying metal and dying screams

Seeds of anger - we all plant

Stories To Tell

Do you ever get the weird feeling when something ends? Like when youve been on a long journey and finally arrive at your house and stop the car. The radio stops its unending moaning, music stops, speaking fades away and all youre left with is complete silence. The journey ended. You left and you got back. You arrived and you returned. And you get a strange feeling of emptiness?

Whenever I park my car at my house, my car feels its done its job. But I feel like something ended, I feel empty. I had something, a journey, and then it ended. And now Im left with...what? Im back to square one, back to where I left. Like I never did anything. Like I never left. Like I escaped from reality and then came back to the cruel world that is and always will be.

And when youre driving back to your life you realize that your journey will end. You dont want your journey to end, you want it to continue. You liked the journey..you loved it. It was so much fun, it was an exciting experience, it was a thing you'll talk about when you grow old. It was a journey. And when youre getting closer to your normal routines, normal boring repeating days, you get the feeling. Feeling of "I felt alive." And you wonder why you dont feel alive all the time, every day of your life.

Its the thing, getting away, fleeing from reality. Doing something different. For me, its getting away from my house, meeting new people, making a total fool out of myself and telling fun stories about it years later. Doing something out of ordinary. Making a difference. You can never truly succeed at something by copying someone. You can only make a difference by living your own life, and dedicating yourself to something. Dedicating yourself to your journey.

We all walk along. We all see others and envy, copy and mimic others who we think are "better" than ourselves. Are they? Were a weird species; humans. We feel jealous, we dont appreciate our skills, we rarely feel happy about what we are or what weve done. But if you think about it, if we all feel that way theres always someone whos jealous about you and what youve done. Someones always jealous about your smile, your laughter, your muscles, your fashion sense or your eyebrows. But they never let you know. Because you never let them know you find their fingertips extremely attractive, do you? No, because that would be weird. That would be different, that would be unacceptable. Or would it?

And who cares after all? You got your journey, and you meet others who got their journeys. Some journeys cross for some period of time, and you feel whatever you tend to feel. And then feelings fade, and new crossings appear. But you shouldnt let insignificant things affect your journey in a negative way, thats just stupid. Its your journey, not anyone elses.

So whenever you sit down after a trip to Africa or wherever and feel emptiness, think about the stories. You had an experience. You had a new story to add into your diary. And your stories are probably more exciting than those of your friends. Because you left and arrived. And you got a story to tell.

You had a new twist to your journey.

Insignificance

After all these years Im still growing taller

Signs trying to prepare me for the danger

Or maybe its just the world getting smaller

Nothing you throw at me can hurt me now

I can feel it coming out once again

Like a feeling that finally begins

To influence the deep down waters

I can withstand anything right now

Step one

We wont stop

Step two

My circle of hope

Wont linger

Give back your piece of rope

Growing, slowing down

Meaning, dealing down

Needing, feeling down

Outsides inside, for now

You can sell your detailed drawings

Wont matter to anyone after all

No excuse, no passion or lust

Just doors behind you that shut

Can you feel it coming out once again?

Like a feeling that finally blossoms

To influence the deep down waters

I can withstand anything right now

I can resist you, your insignificance

Step one

We wont stop

Step two

My circle of hope

Wont linger

Give back your piece of rope

Growing, slowing down

Meaning, dealing down

Needing, feeling down

Outsides inside, for now

Step one

We wont stop

Step two

My circle of hope

Wont linger

Give back your piece of rope

Three things

Suppose were given three things in life. Were given things to do things with. Three simple things, though they still manage to be quite complicated at the same time. By who, is not in question. Whats in question is things.

Were given body, mind, and a certain period of time. When were born, we receive those things. Its a line of some sort. Theres a beginning and then theres an ending.

Were given a body. Couple of hands, couple of feet and bunch of toes. Were all given that. Animals are given a different kind of body, but a body still. You can use it in different ways, for good and for bad. And what we do with it is our own choosing. You may force someone to do something with their bodies, but were we given a body to do that? Were we given something to make something else feel miserable?

You can use your body for many things. You can use it to be tender. You can give a hug, you can give a kiss. You can receive a hug. You can cry. You can fight and you can flee. You can get up when youre beaten down. You can help someone up, or you can push someone over the edge. Were all given relatively similar bodies as species.

And weve come a long journey as species, but still two bodes dont manage to pass each other in a narrow road without the silly ping pong of changing routes. One want to pass from the right, and the other wants to the opposite. And then the ping pong starts.

Secondly, were given a mind. Its been said the human mind is the greatest tool of our time. It can overcome any object, it can solve any problem, it can invent magnificent things and come up with great, world changing ideas. It is a great tool. You can do whatever you wish in your mind. You can do rocket science of your own   kind, you can be a british spy, you can imagine eating the moon on your sandwich while you drop your changelings in a big porcelain cup with a hole in the bottom. Your mind can give you power to do whatever you want. You can do what you want, if you want to do it, and believe in it.

You use your body as your mind tells it to. Mind controls the body, but we dont always control the mind consciously. Who does then? Instinct? Natural need to act in some way which we cant help? Its a strange thing when sometimes you get the feeling of needing to do something, and you cant figure out why you need to do it in the first place. And then youre off doing it still completely oblivious of the reasons. You dont know why youre afraid of heights, you dont know why youre afraid of spiders. Why are you afraid of spiders? Have we as species been attacked by spiders so that some of us have developed a natural fear of them? Fear of danger and fear of dying? You can overcome fear, yes. But it doesnt explain why were you afraid of it in the first place. Some say "the only thing to fear is fear itself". But what does that mean anyway... You should be afraid of your fear of spiders?

Lastly, were given a period of time. Time, though, is an illusion and relative, but lets just suppose "time" is what we use the word "time" for. Were given a period of time to do things. Were born and then were dying, slow but steady.

We use our time to do things that, usually, make us happy. Or thats what were supposed to do anyway. Why would you use the precious time youve been given to do things that make you sad or unhappy? Why would you waste your time, why do insignificant things that wont matter to anyone, least to you? We could ask ourselves if money were no object, what would we do? Have we come this far as species just so you should waste your time? If you do work you dont like, live a life you dont like, buy things with the money you have just to distract you from the unhappiness that your life is, is that really what youre supposed to be doing?

Theres always an image of perfection. We came up with that image. Perfection in a society we built - for ourselves. If the image of having wealth and good looks, by some definition, and having a decent understanding of language and its usage is perfection, is that actually perfection worth reaching for? Is pleasing others the best way to use our time? Its your time, not theirs after all.

Three things to do things. I used my things to write this, because I wanted to. I felt like it. And it was glorious.

Now go do things with yours.

Untitled

Try justify what we used to be
Try see what be used to see
But I am here, right beside you

Just like a cloud, vanish inside
Justice and doubt, dreams decline
I am sitting, right beside you

I am laying, right beside you

Second Degree Burns

During a free fall, walking up and down the road
Try to keep calm, try to keep your head afloat
Its the free fall, separation of soul and mind
Its the free fall, when words wipe the floor out
Its when you just feel emotionally blind

No starting over, waking up with no duvet
Being all alone, corner table of the cafe
Its the free fall, separation of heart and soul
Its the free fall, when words wipe the floor out
Its when the double bed swallows you whole

They lit the candle, they lit the fire
They broke the handle, they broke a wire
You took the turn for desire
You took the fire and held it up
They ignored it until it dropped

Its a second degree burn of the heart
Its the third tear up that wont depart
A degree of heartbreak dealing out
A degree of heartache choking out

During a free fall, getting up and going down
A port in the storm, friends arms to rely on
Its the free fall, separation of heart and soul
Its the free fall, when words wipe the floor out
Its when the double bed swallows you whole

They lit the candle, they lit the fire
They broke the handle, they broke a wire
You took the turn for desire
You took the fire and held it up
They ignored it until it dropped

Its a second degree burn of the heart
Its the third tear up that wont depart
A degree of heartbreak dealing out
A degree of heartache choking out

Its every man for himself
Its every lie for defense
Its every cry for help
Its trying to make amends

They lit the candle, they lit the fire
They broke the handle, they broke a wire
You took the turn for desire
You took the fire and held it up
They ignored it until it dropped

Its a second degree burn of the heart
Its the third tear up that wont depart
A degree of heartbreak dealing out
A degree of heartache choking out